My name is ...

My name is Paul... I was placed at The Ambassador hostel by the council after being thrown out of the place I had called home for 2 years. Being homeless was something I knew nothing about – I thought homelessness was probably self inflicted and just for people who had drugs problems – not for someone like me. Since being here I have completely changed my view – not just about homelessness, but also about myself and what I can do. This is my story...

Up until I was 37 I just got on with life – I worked as a roofer and played rugby and had three children, but I am gay so I lived a “double life”, keeping my sexuality secret from most of the people I mixed with. I was doing OK, living in a flat with my 12 year old daughter, when 6 years ago something horrible from my childhood re-surfaced and I stopped coping. It was awful. I felt like I was drowning and my mind was gone. I ended up in Whitchurch hospital with a nervous breakdown and when I left hospital I went to live with a carer and her family. This didn’t work out and for 2 years I didn’t leave my room. I felt like a prisoner and they had control of my money. I like to cross dress – this is a part of me and I have done it all my life but her family took the mick out of me. Eventually my daughter challenged them and it led to a huge scene with me being taken away for my own safety by the police. This is how I came to be at the YMCA.

All I can say is that being here has made every difference in my life. When I came here it was like my mind was blocked. My doctor said it was as if there was no room in my mind to do other things. I was taking medication but didn’t like it so didn’t always take it properly. At first I didn’t know where I was but the staff really really helped me. They listened and listened and also did practical things like give me toothpaste and sort my money out. I told them everything about myself and I started to feel accepted because they didn’t take the mick – they accepted me as a person and I hadn’t felt like that before. With the doctor’s help I have come off all my medication and I feel great. As I have got more confident I have started trying other things such as joining in the activities in DFL - I’ve even been to the theatre for the first time and I’ve applied to do some voluntary work with the PDSA. My support worker tells me to take things slowly because I want to try so much he’s afraid I might run out of steam. I know he is right and I intend to try. I know I’ll have to move out of the YMCA and I’m a bit scared of this as I have had so much support here, but my support worker is helping me prepare for this and is really confident that I will manage. I am closer with my family, my children accept me, I am opening my mind to new paths to take me forward and I am looking forward to the future.